Janis here.

 

Seems like our slaves have figured us out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Janis here.

 

This is both a sad day, and a joyous day.

 

Sad, because of the loss of such a famous kitty.

 

Joyous, in the fact that Socks will be remembered for the independant spirit that is is in all of us felines, and for the independance of all of the slaves that we kitties enslave.

 

May Socks be chasing birds, play with endless kitty toys, and roaming endless places that only kitties enjoy.

Janis here, as my slave seems to be suffering from hairballs.

 

He seems to be coughing and spitting much as of late, like something is caught in his throat. I know when I have done so in his presence, he has noticed that it bothers me. I notice this bothers him.

 

Therefore, I have made the conclusion that humans suffer hairballs.

 

At times like these, you can purr for your slave, and feel sympathy towards them.

There are humans out there that really truly care for us kitties.  This little one is fortunate to be alive.

 

 http://www.cbs46.com/news/14023650/detail.html

Janis here.

 

My slave seems to be amused by a few websites featuring felines in compromising positions.  Appearantly, he feels that these sites amuse him.

 

 http://icanhascheezburger.com/ and www.lolcats.com place some of our normal antics as kitties on to what my slave calls the World Wide Web.

 

One in particular made my slave laugh hysterically for some reason.  I think it has to do with what he calls work.

 

Snowball, I know you are out there watching.  Can you possibly help to explain this?

 

 

 

*Furry paws tap furiously*

 

"My slave is away at what he calls work.  I'm typing furiously on this unkitty-friendly keyboard.  I wish to report something that is basically a kitty's dream."

 

*Janis looks around, as a door slams.  Once her ears realise the sound is not the sound of the door of the abode, she continues to type.*

 

"My slave has allowed me to run around this new place.  I cannot simply not understand how he trusts me.  Every room is to my disposal.

 

"There are chairs, couches, beds..even a big window for me to sun myself in.  Such luxuries!"

 

*Suddenly, a sound is heard of a key twisting a lock.*

 

"Is there a camera!  Please tell me there is a camera!"  *Janis leaves the keyboard, as a camera suddenly is present, to follow her.*

 

MEOW!  *A hand reaches down to scrub Janis' head.*

 

"Awww," a male voice is heard.  *A cupboard is opened, and a sharp CRACK! is heard of a can being opened, and placed in front Janis.  The sounds of human fee wander away.*

 

"And this, my friends is how you teach your slaves obedience," Janis says before consuming her meal...

This is a subject that is important to us felines.  Our slaves work hard to give us homes, but sometimes we kitties get lost in the mix when it comes to this subject, especially when it comes to the topic of relocation.

 

Remember, my fellow felines, that our slaves are under stress.   Purr.  Purr alot.  For some reason, my slave loves that.  Also, remember that if your slave puts you in what th humans call a pet carrier, know that it is only a temporary home.

 

During my trip tot what my slave calls Brookings, my slave constantly talked.  It gave me comfort.  I mewed initially, when he put me in this carrier.  I did no know really what was going on at the time, but hearing my slave's voice helped me cope.

 

When you arrive at your new home, be mindful.  My slave opened my cage, put my food and water outside, and even placed my litterbox close to me.  My slave was so considerate. 

 

When *YOU* feel comfortable, roam.  Explore.  Your slave wishes you to do this.  It is a new home for them, and for you.  Some slaves lock certain rooms for exploration, but mine allows me free reign.

 

If you are so fortunate to have a slave like mine,  one who cares for you, moving for you will not be much of an issue.  Just realize that it is a changefor both you and your slave.  If your slave loves you, then he or she will do what it takes to keep that bond.

 

My slave loves me.  That is all I need.

Janis here.

 

It's a sad day for us animals.  Someone who truly loved animals was killed by one by what you humans say is "a freak accident."  Now, I have never met a crocodile, or even a snake.

 

As a kitten, I'm always friendly towards humans.  My custodian treats me with respect.  Yes, he feeds me, plays with me, pets me...but has always treated me with respect.

 

You humans lost someone named Steve Irwin.  After viewing some footage with my custodian the past day or so, this man should be given some respect.  I'm not sure how he was with housecats, but he seemed to have understood that some of us animals in the world could hurt him or others.  But, he respected them.

 

I mourn him, because from what I have seen, he never wished harm to anyone.  No person, no animal.  No one.

 

But yet, he lost his life due to an animal's defensive mechanism.

 

Both wild animals and we domesticated ones will miss you.  Anyone who respects animals deserves respects in return.

 

My custodian says that he probably never appreciated you in life as he now mourns you in death, because he says he's seen your gift in person.  Not you, but someone who shares it.  And that is a rare gift.

 

May the animal kingdom give you joy in Heaven.

*Prancing around, Janis looks to the crowd.  "My two next guests...well, they're not exactly what I would call proper house-cats..."

 

*The room darkens and some footage of a black and white cat who seems to be having problems with a yellow bird are shown.*

 

"And this."

 

*A blue? looking cat can't seem to catch a mouse.*

 

The lights come back up.

 

"Occasionlly, they've won.  But, I fear, my fellow kitties, that these two need some training.  I present you, Sylvester, and...*Janis coughs up a hairball* Tom."

 

*Screeches and hisses*.

 

*Sylvester begins his spiel*.

 

"Supphering succatash!  Where's that bird?"  *Sylvester turns to look at Tom.*

 

*And you, you losther!  You can't even outwit a mouse!"*

 

*Tom just sits there.  He says in a deep voice,"How does he do it?"*

 

*Janis calls for calm.  You hear kittens purr.*

 

"Kitties, ask these two cats a question.  We'll be right back."

I do have a surprise, my feline friends.

 

Snowball is actually in the audience.

 

*Purrs and Meows are heard*

 

"Snowball, would you come up, and sit on the stage?"

 

*purrs abound as Snowball leaps onto the stage*.

 

"Also, to make some talk on life is Garfield!"

 

*Garfield is brought on a throne via some rather cheesy-looking throne contraption*.

 

Janis sits down and says, "So Garfield, how are dogs?  You seem to have a view on this topic."  A plate of lasagna is placed in front of the orange fat cat.

 

*Garfield looks around*.  "Is there some lasagna for me to nibble on?  Oh wait, you want to know about Odie."  *Garfield whistles.  A dumb, but loving-slobbering-looking dog comes out, bouncing up and down*.

 

*Janis wipes her face with her paw.*  "Ahem.  How do you deal with such a beast?"

 

"Simple."  *Garfield nods, and suddenly, a stupid looking human runs in.*

 

"Garfield!"

 

*Here we go again.*  Garfield somehow finds a way to slip a TV controller into the mouth of Odie.

 

"Odie!  You stole the remote!" the human yells.  "Bad dog!"  The human takes the dog away.  Odie is pouting.

 

*Garfield nods.*  "That's how it's done.  Find ways to blame the other pet.  Dogs are stupid.  Other cats will try to dominate, so you need to find ways to make them look bad.  Birds?  They inform on everyone.  Find ways to get them free.  Ask Sylvester about that."

 

*Kitties purr and mew at the spectacle.  The mention of Sylvester causes hisses.*

 

Janis pauses after the kittens cower down.  "Now, Snowball.  You've been a frequent respondant.  How would you deal with a dog?  And, how would you deal with a bird?"

Janis here.

 

I'm sure many of you in the audience know the feeling of being rather warm, especially those with long hair.

 

I personally do not like being brushed.  Many of you do.  I discovered something last year.  My slave took me to the vet.  Now, I KNOW many of you dislike the vet as the next cat, as I do.

 

I was drugged, and then the next thing I noticed, I was back home.  After whatever ghastly things I was given wore off, I noticed I felt better.

 

My fellow kitties, any thoughts on this?  Like it?  Hate it?

"This is Janis.  We are back at Puurfect Studios."

 

"Visitors.  We all have slaves who have people who not only invade our slaves'  home from time to time.  Some love us, some hate us."

 

"My recent experience has entailed and forced me to interact with my slaves' visitors."

 

*Janis lays down on a very nice couch, lounging.  She stands up, and looks at all of the cats in the auidence.* 

 

"For dealing with this problem.*Janis waves her paw*

 

"Three weeks worth of Fancy Feast,Tidy Cats Crystals..and even a groom for those who wants them?"

 

*Cats in the audience go for the cat-nip bags*

 

"Visitors personally scare me, but I've adapted.'  *Janis' ears perks up.  "Snowball is on the kitty line....  Her thoughts next...our sponsor is SHEBA...prrrrrr."

 

 

 

 

"This is Janis, and there is a late-breaking development in the story of Molly.  Joining us now is Fluffy McFurr with an exclusive interview with Molly."

 

"Thank you, Janis."  *Fluffy turns to Molly.*  "How do you feel?"

 

Molly mews.  "Pretty good."

 

"You say that you really don't know what the fuss was all about?"

 

*purring*  "Not really, no.  But I'm definately glad I'm free.  I was stuck in a cage for awhile.  Heck, I was even fed some roasted pork and sardines."

 

"Tell me what what you felt like when you were found."

 

"Well, I was kind of scared at first, because I didn't know who was grabbing me.  It definately wasn't my slave, but once I was freed, I was pretty ok.  There were lots of media around, which surprised me."

 

"For a kitty such as yourself being stuck for what the humans call for two weeks, without food or water, it must have been rough."

 

"I really can't say.  I really don't remember much right now.  I'm rather overwhelmed.  I suspect I'll be visiting the vet soon."

 

"Thank you, Molly.  Janis, back to you."

 

"Thank you, Fluffy.  I'm sure kitties around the world are celebrating Molly's heroic efforts and her rescue.  For more information, visit the human site http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/04/15/fugitive.feline.ap/index.html

 

"This is Janis.  Now it's time for me to look out the window."

This I Janis.  We're in New York today, covering a personal story.

 

Appearantly, a kitten named Molly has been trapped in the walls of a building in Greenwich Village.  My good friend Fluffy McPurr is live at the scene:

 

"Human rescuers here at Myers of Kesswick have been trying for two weeks to coax out Molly.  The owner of the establishment hired Molly to take care of the mouse population.  Supposedly while chasing her prey, shifty mice managed to trap her.  It is unclear on exactly where Molly is, except she is close.   If you listen carefully---" 

 

*Meow...meow*

 

"You can hear her on the sidewalk.  Even dogs we've asked are concerned and are hoping for her safe return."

 

"Thank you, Fluffy.  Thoughts go out to her.  For continuing coverage of this story, please look at the human website http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/04/14/fugitive.feline.ap/index.html

 

This is Janis."

 

 

Welcome back to Kitten Thoughts.  My name is Janis, and this is the premiere of a show about cats, for cats.  Today's topic is about how I picked my slave, and about the first day of placed in a home.

 

I don't remember much about my mother or father.  I was placed in what humans call an animal shelter.  I do know that I had  brother and sisters.  And for some reason, some person decided to take me away from my known family.

 

I was taken to a place where one of us already lived.  His name was Lynyrd Skynyrd.  Supposedly, I was to move in with this cat; to replace a friend of his named Ozzy.

 

My slave obviously took me in because of my cuteness factor.  Cuteness works.  It's useful when you do bad things. Being cute helps out a lot.  I'll discuss "The Look" later.

 

Lynryrd was a caring older brother.  He taught me how to use the bathroom, showed me the perches.  And like me, he was playful.  

 

Comments?

 

*A paw raises up from the audience*

 

"Janis, I just was recently adopted.  How does one interact with humans?"

 

Janis pawses.  "Treat them with love.  They will love you back."

 

*Another paw raises itself*  "What about sharing a litterbox with another cat?"

 

As long is it's cleaned frequently, who cares?"

 

*Meows abound.*

 

This concludes Kitten Thoughts.  Next show, we'll discuss the vile act of being declawed.  My name is Janis.  Good day. 

 

 

My name is Janis. 

 

First off,why am I even named Janis?  Why not Sheba?  Something of significance?

 

*Licks face*

 

I picked my father up in a place you humans call Sioux City, Iowa.  I was excited.  He disappeared for awhile, something you humans call work?  What the heck is that concept?

 

But I remember when I first saw him again, I voiced my thoughts.

 

I crawled up as he slept, and just purred.

 

I want to hear your stories, kittens, male or female.

 

Welcome to Kitten Thoughts:  The talk show for felines.

 

After the commercial break, I'll explain more of my personal story.